If I could characterize Elizabeth right now, I would say that she's sweet, chatty, talkative, endearing, adorable, funny, and independent, but if I had to think of one dominant trait right now (and I'm sure for a long time to come), it would be STRONG-WILLED. This child does NOT like to be told, "no"; she doesn't want you to show her how to do something; and she refuses to obey. I don't want to be on her case all the time, and neither does Shane, but I've heard that "consistency is key," which I take to mean, "Don't let up. If she does something wrong, discipline her." Well, this may seem good in theory, but in practice it means that we're disciplining her every second of her waking day.
Here are just a few things she does:
* Hits me across the face, after which I tell her in a firm voice that we don't hit mommy.
* Hoists herself onto a kitchen table chair and then from there up ONTO the kitchen table. Crawls around. Stands up. Walks around. Almost falls off. Does the same thing with beds, counters, toilets, bathtubs, and anything else that she can climb. I hope this child doesn't hurt herself with all her monkey business!!
* Gets into the drawer where I keep all the kitchen knives. Now we have safety latches on the doors, but it was really scary for a bit.
* Gets up on my treadmill that she KNOWS not to get on--because she could really hurt herself--in lots of ways.
* Runs away from us when we go outside (we don't have a fence--hey, we live in the country!!). If we're in the front yard, she wants to be in the back; if we're in the back yard, she wants to be in the front.
* Doesn't listen AT ALL. NEVER. As she sits in timeout, she says, "Me obey, Momma," but then she doesn't. She also says, "I awy (sorry), Momma," and she does it again.
I just don't know what to do. She is so strong-willed, fiercely independent, has to get her way or else she throws a fit, absolutely HATES to be told "no," and sometimes doesn't seem to like me very much. I feel sad about having to be so hard on her, and I'm kinda at a loss as to what to do. I'd love to hear some advice from anybody about what forms of discipline works for you (especially with a stubborn child like Elizabeth). I never wanted to spank, but I'm told over and over that it's the ONLY thing that works. I've done it; I admit. Does that make me a bad parent? Sometimes I think so. And I feel guilty for doing it, too. And I also understand why she hits me...in her eyes, I've "hit" her (even though it was a "spanking")--she doesn't know the difference. I feel a little defeated right now. I sure do pray for her and KNOW that God has made this beautiful child and that she is very special. I just want to do right by her.
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4 comments:
First off, it does get better. I remember those feelings and situations with B. Like you said consistency is key and you are not a bad parent if you spank. Sometimes it is the only thing that gets their attention. A pinch is what works with B right now. He hates that more than a spanking. Someone told me that we should thank God for strong willed kids because he trusts us enough to raise them. Even so, it can be hard! Derek was also of the mindset,let them try some things and if they fall or get hurt, they will learn not to do it again(like falling out of the chair, not with knives). Hope this helps. I'll pray for you.
It does seem as though Elizabeth is just like her mother. Poor Shane. What has he done to deserve such a strong-willed, spirited child...oh, is my name on this?
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Consistency is the key. Sounds like your strong-willed child has entered the classic "Terrible Twos" a bit early. Decide exactly how you are going to discipline certain behaviors (time outs for some things, spanking or physical punishments for others, ignoring inappropriate attention seeking behaviors) and ALWAYS punish that way. Right now we only use physical punishment for dangerous behaviors. Tobe and I discuss what we are going to do in the event a certain behavior reappears so that we are on the same page. Be sure to praise Elizabeth a lot for things she is doing correctly--big or small(I am sure you do this naturally) and this help alleviate the feeling like you are "Mean Mommy" all the time. Find ways for her to demonstrate her independant nature that are harmless (making choices, helping out with chores, etc).
Remember that the limits and boundaries you are placing on her are healthy and help form her into a Godly woman.
Some books that are good on the subject are: Love and Logic (there is one for toddlers), The Strong Willed Child by James Dobson (get the older version because ol James is going a bit wacky these days), and The Baby Whisperer for Toddlers.
You are doing a great job!
We spank in our house for direct defiance/disobedience. I did a Bible study that totally helped me w/ this issue---it's called Wisdom for Mothers by Denise Glen. It is AWESOME. She goes through scripture after scripture that talks about "spanking" and give a little "routine" to go through. It has been GREAT for us. It's SO HARD to be consistent but I keep hearing if we stick with it now, it will eventually start making a difference. We need to talk. I'm sorry I haven't called you back yet. Maybe this week we can connect? What a job, huh?? love you!
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