Our daughter: A bully or a flirt?

We got our first bad report about our daughter at Mother's Day Out yesterday. Apparently, Elizabeth is really into tormenting the boys. Whenever the boys are lying down or sitting down playing on the ground, she goes over to them and sits on top of them. Yes, she sits on them, holding them down so they can't get up, until they start crying. And when this happens, she laughs at them. Oh no, what have we gotten ourselves into? Either she really likes boys (already?!!) or she's being a bully (really?!!) and likes to be mean to other children. Either choice doesn't seem too desirable to me right now. Who knows? Maybe she's both?!! What is a mother to do?

Pictures at 14 months

I finally downloaded my camera...287 images!! And now I'm uploading a few of those pics. I'm out-of-town right now and don't have them all on this computer, but I'll upload more later when I get back home. Here's our sweet Elizabeth...

Shane and Elizabeth eating at a restaurant in Waco on the Brazos River.

My 30th birthday! Wow!

BAYLOR BOUND!!!???

Last weekend we drove to Arlington to see our new baby niece, Eleanor Abigail. We stayed with my cousin Cody Walton and his wife Chesley one night. Elizabeth had a lot of fun playing with her (3rd?) cousin Garrett. By the way, Elizabeth now has FIVE cousins within 14 months of her older and younger. Wow!

This picture is on our way home. Elizabeth is hugging her two favorite stuffed animals--Bevo and her little lamb.

She says "Bevo" by the way. For all those who know Shane, this fact should come as no suprise.

I doubt any future composition Elizabeth does will be as sweet as this one. And she's so proud!

Thanks for the delay

So, I’m on a plane right now, typing on my new laptop (I’m quite excited that I can actually work on my computer without it being plugged in). In the past four years, every time I’ve traveled anywhere, I couldn’t use my computer because the battery never worked. Even when I got a new $100 replaceable one for Christmas, my laptop wouldn't work. Bizarre. Thankfully (??), that laptop died the other day and I got a new one!!!). But I digress. I just finished grading 14 essays from students taking my technical and professional writing class. I began today and ended today, thanks to a five-hour plane delay, no other responsibilities at the moment, no daughter running around me, and no dinner to fix. This task of grading a single set of essays typically takes me two weeks. Today, however, with this delay and my persistence to finish them before the conference I’m attending begins, I was able to finish grading them. Yippee!!

Not only did I complete the essays (on the plane. Right now, I’m somewhere over Tennessee on my way to Louisville), but I also got to see my dad. What a treat that was! He just happened to be in Houston today, which is unusual for the middle of the week, so I got to see him for a quick minute. He took me to Sonic (yum!) and we sipped our drinks together. I didn’t get my usual Route 44 vanilla Diet Coke, easy ice, though. Instead I got the medium size (of the same variety, of course) because I would have had to throw it away when I went back through security anyway. At least we can buy something there to bring on the plane. I have to have something to drink as I drive (non-alcoholic of course).

Shane called me a minute ago, and his first words were, “Do you want to know something that will make your heart break?” Hmm. Do I? All I want to know is if Elizabeth is all right? Is she? OK? Tell me whatever you want to now that I know she’s OK.

He proceeds to tell me that when he brought Elizabeth home from Amy’s today, she runs into the house and goes straight to the room that we call our office and bangs on the door, calling, “Mama. Mama. Mama.” When nobody answered, she starts banging on the master bedroom door. “Mama. Mama! Mama!” Still no answer. So, Shane opens the bedroom door to let her in. She runs into the room, looks around, and then runs into the bathroom expectantly. Nope, no Mama there either. So she sits down on the floor and cries. Then Shane asks her, “Ah, honey. Do you want to call Mama?” And she shakes her head yes. They call me, and I proclaim my love for her and how much I miss her and how much I love her and how I can’t wait to see her. Then, suddenly the phone goes dead. She had hung up on me. Now she has broken my heart.

Working Mom

Well here it is finally, a post:

I have been an official employee of Baylor University for three weeks now, and I am really enjoying my job. I like the intellectual stimulation it provides, the extremely bright students who are taking my classes and provide a dynamic learning environment, my colleagues, the research and writing (which is actually half of my job description), the Christian atmosphere, and that I am fulfilling a purpose that God has for my life--to make a difference in the lives of others.

I won't tell you that this transition from "work-at-home Mom" (working on my dissertation and teaching a couple courses) to "go-to-work Mom" has been easy, one empty of fears, tears, and prayers. I constantly think about this decision and wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Am I fulfilling God's purpose? How will this decision affect Elizabeth? Her view of me as a mother? Her relationship with me? How will it affect my marriage and the precious time I value with my husband? These are questions I/we struggle with on a daily basis.

Thankfully, God has still allowed me to stay at home (or, work from home) two days with Elizabeth and so we still get in some good mother/daughter time. And Shane is with her on another day, which is a tremendous blessing. The other two days Elizabeth stays with my good friend Amy and has grown to love her time spent over there. She especially loves their dog Chloe, which is good since Shane declares that our children will never have pets of their own (This may sound cruel, but he has his reasons, ones that are actually logical, rational, and realistic.). Elizabeth has probably transitioned better than either one of us. What a special girl.

So back to working...When I worked for ACU as an Admissions Counselor, I went through a period of soul-searching where I tried to figure out God's purpose for my life. And after much prayer, thought, reflection, and discussion with others, I figured out what it was: for me to make a difference in the lives of others. This sounds simple, and in a way, I guess it is. But once God led me to this conclusion, I have tried to fulfill this purpose, loving God and loving others, no matter what situation I have been in.

And, now, through this process of moving from "work-from-home Mom" to "work-outside-the-home Mom," I again find myself thinking about God's purpose(s) for my life and for my family's life. Having a husband and a daughter, while it does not necessarily change my view regarding God's purpose(s) for my life, does change the tangible and realistic meaning of what this purpose represents. And still our decision for me to go back to work explicitly ties into this purpose. While many moms feel they have to choose between the either/or decisions (working outside home vs. staying at home with children; being a mom vs. being an career woman; being active in child's life vs. being an observer), I hope that God will not force me to choose. I don't want to have to choose. Even though I value my family (and God, of course) first and foremost, I also have talents in other areas that God has given to me. And shouldn't I use these talents? I don't know. It's a constant struggle, to be honest. While I may be naive , I pray that God will fulfill His purpose in me and through me in many different arenas of life: as a wife, mother, friend, employee, daughter, colleague, and Christian. I want to give my all to God, Elizabeth, and Shane first and foremost, but I also want to give my heart and soul to my students, my writing, my career field, my friends, and my family as well. Can this be possible? I honestly don't know. But isn't Christian math different than worldly math? Can't 1 plus 1 equal 1? Can't I give all of me so that God's purpose works through me in various ways and arenas? Perhaps not in physical, mental, or emotional terms. But spiritually, I believe God can make this possible, if He wills it. And so I venture out into the workplace feeling the support of God and Shane and pray that His purpose will be fulfilled through my life. It is my prayer that God will continue to humble me, yet protect me; to teach me, yet shelter me in His arms; to guide me and form me into the person He wants me to be, yet do so gently. If what I'm doing or how I'm being does not add up to who He knows I can be or my purpose, then I hope that we will have the courage to make the changes we need to make.

Sorry to get so personal. I've wanted to post for a while but didn't really know what I would say because all these thoughts are going through my mind. And making the time to write here requires a little more effort, not only since I'm writing a lot at work, but also because when I get some time, I want to spend it with my family. Dear reader, I hope you will understand.

Introducing Brooklyn Allyson Reaves

Yesterday, Shane and I welcomed a new niece into the Poe family. Derek and Kim had their second child, a daughter whom they named Brooklyn Allyson. "Brooke" is Kim's middle name and "Lyn" is my mom's middle name and my grandmother's first name; hence "Brooklyn." And "Allyson" comes from our dear friend Allyson Beckering who died tragically in a car wreck twelve years ago when she was only nineteen. We miss Allyson very much, and it's so special that her memory is carried on in the life of such a precious child.

Brooklyn was born at 2:12 p.m. in Austin, Texas. She weighed 7 lbs, 13 oz. and was 19 3/4 inches long. She is a very beautiful baby and is born into a loving, caring family. We were there when Big Brother Barrett arrived and got to see him look at his sister and his mom and be excited that "Brooklyn come."

Congratulations, Derek, Kim, and Barrett, and a great big welcome to Brooklyn. We love you.

Changing Days

Finally, a post.

Two weeks ago today we took the pacifier away from Elizabeth. You may think that it's a little early for us to do this (I agree), but when the doctor told us, "It will only get harder as she gets older," Shane's logic agreed with her. Several days later he tells me, "I think we need to take the pacifier away from Elizabeth." What he meant was, "It's time YOU take the pacifier away from her." It's the same thing when he says, "I think WE need to call the doctor." What he really means is, "I think YOU need to call the doctor." It's that wonderful royal "We," the "we" that really needs me"

So I took it away from her and she cried, sobbed really, for 2 hours straight. I felt miserable. I didn't pick her up, but I went in there often to comfort her and rub her forehead, which she didn't appreciated and kept swatting my hand away. She wanted me to pick her up. She just didn't understand why she couldn't get something that she'd never gone without. And she didn't want to understand. I kept thinking, "It's just a paci. What's the big deal?!! I should just give it to her. I don't want her to feel like I don't love her. Just give it to her." I wanted to give it to her so bad; I just felt awful. But we've stuck with it and going on three weeks now, she has finally adjusted. It's been an EXTREMELY long three weeks without much time to write and without much emotional energy. Elizabeth is finally sleeping better but still doesn't go down for naps as easily as she did when she had her paci. But we're proud of her for adjusting and glad to be through this stage. I hope she doesn't start sucking her thumb (not that I have a big problem with this), only because we weaned her off the pacifier and don't want her to resort to some other form of sucking. If she does, well, I'll just have to give her the pacifier back.

A Brilliant Mind

Elizabeth has really made strides in the last few weeks in terms of what she can understand. Here are some examples:

• “Bring it to Mama.” She brings me whatever she has in her hand, typically something she’s not supposed to have.
• "Where’s your ball?” Not only does she know how to go and find the ball, but she also knows how to say the word.
• "Go throw it away” She proceeds to go the trashcan and dump the trash in it.
• “Move away from the dishwasher.” She loves to come up to the dishwasher when we are loading or unloading it, and because the knives are on her side, we have to give this command often.
• “Are you ready for your bath?” Her response: She walks out of the room we are in, goes into her bathroom, and waits in front of the tub for us to come in there.
• “Where’s your purse?” She looks around, finds her purse, picks it up, and then loops it on her arm and walks around the room.
• “Dance. Dance. Dance.” She responds by twirling around, shaking her body, and moving her feet really fast.
• “Stir your spoon.” She loves to pick up one of her cups and stick another toy in it and stir. When I’m cooking or baking, she always wants me to hold her and now she likes to stir.
• “Do you want to go see the horses?” She points towards the backyard and heads for the backdoor.
• “I love you.” She tells us she loves us by patting us continuously (arms, head, chest, leg, whatever). When she was six months old, we taught her how to “pat the Bible” and she has carried this motion over to tell us she loves us. It’s her sign for love.

Just as Elizabeth has progressed in what she can understand, we, too have developed in what we can understand:

• “Daddad" (Daddy)
• “Mom-mom” (Mama or Mommy)
• “Ga-Ga” (Granbarry or Granna)
• “Na Na” (Nana)
• “Go. Go. Go. Go.” (Go. Go. Go. Go.)
• “Sus at.” (What’s that?)
• “Uh oh.” (Uh oh.)
• Uh Uhhhh.” (Give me more or give it to me now or pick me up.)
• “ba” (ball)
• “yah” (yes)
• “hah” (hi)
• “bah” (bye)

Uncle Zach said recently, “She’s become brilliant overnight.” And I say back to him, “Not exactly. She has become even more brilliant overnight.” As only a parent would respond.

Reading again

I finished the first novel I’ve read since finishing my dissertation in April. I know it seems like a long time not to have read a novel (3 months); it is. But what’s worse is that over the course of my four-year program, I can count on both hands how many books of fiction I read of my own accord. It's not because I don't like to read fictional texts; I really do, although I'm not as avid a reader as others like my mom and sister who always have a book in hand and others waiting in the wing. Rather, the reason I haven’t read a novel in so long is because I was reading so many other kinds of books, books that required extra energy, an attentive eye, and a high level of retention. I had no desire to read other books.

Let me explain a little about how reading requirements in graduate school work. At least in my field, each course required you to read a book a week. And these books were not easy reads. They weren’t literary texts like many think we read in my field; rather, they were books about writing…theoretical books about writing, literacy, postmodernism, research, and the social movement. Heavy, heavy theory (interesting material, but it often overloaded my brain). And all this reading was in addition to reading numerous articles and writing regularly (reader responses, listserv posts, minor papers, and major academic essays). All this reading (and writing) was in addition to teaching two classes a semester, which, to put it in perspective, is how many courses I will be teaching this fall. I do have research/writing requirements, but needless to say, graduate school left little time for pleasure reading. You read what you had to and not much else.

And then came comprehensive exams. I had to take three exams, all of which had separate reading lists upwards of 100 texts each. I had about 6 months to put together these lists and then to read all the texts. Wow. Not much time for pleasure reading, although. I did get to take one exam that focused on a special research area in literature. I chose to read and analyze the literacy activities present in contemporary texts by American women. So, this did allow me to read 46 novels. And they were of my choosing, and I did enjoy them. But they were still for school.

So throughout the course of graduate school (coursework, comprehensive exams, data collection and analysis, and the writing of my dissertation) and my master’s program, which I finished the same month as I started my PhD, I actually lost all desire to read. Ok, ok. I still read, of course. I read about pregnancy, babies, Christianity, marriage, cooking, travel, and other items that interested me or that served practical purposes for specific times in my life, such as having a baby, growing herbs, or looking for a job. This type of reading—information-seeking, shall we say—didn’t require as much energy as it took to get to know new characters, new places, and new authors. So I still read such texts, but I didn’t read the fictional novels that filled booklists and bookshelves and that sat on my shelves accumulating dust and looking forlorn that I would not pick them up.

I felt guilty. I felt that I should still be reading such texts, even though I had little energy left to even scan my bookshelf. I had been influenced by my Victorian England and 19^th-Century American ones where reading was equated with moral worth and all good, moral people read. We look down on those who don’t read; we are a culture of “reading snobs.” Even though reading was what I did all the time and I wanted an escape from it, I still felt guilty about my lack of will to read.

I thought I had disliked reading all together and questioned what I was doing getting a PhD in Rhetoric and Composition. If I didn’t read on my own but only read what was required of me in school or when I needed information—more for pragmatic purposes than pleasurable ones—was I a fraud? How could I teach about reading and writing if I didn’t read much outside of the required parameters? The reading snobs and cultural ghosts haunted me, imploring me to pick up a novel and find meaning in the words. But I didn’t do it. I did read The Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons in the midst of all this, and I’m glad I did. (I highly recommend them both. I read The DaVinci Code in two days (with a six-month-old baby). Angels and Demons started off a little slow for me because it had a lot of scientific, technical, and mathematical concepts, which I don’t understand, but I enjoyed it immensely once I stuck with it. Shane thinks it’s even better than The Code.)

Once I decided to read the book (2 days ago) that I referred to at the beginning of this post, I had it read the very next day. The book, The Sunday Philosophy Club by Alexander McCall Smith, was recommended to me by Judy Seibert whom I met in June when Shane and I were in Abilene for his DMin Orientation. She and I got to talking about books and discovered that we liked several of the same authors, especially Barbara Kingsolver (made uber-famous through Oprah's book club) who wrote The Poisonwood Bible, Pigs in Heaven, The Bean Trees, and other thought-provoking books. Judy recommended Alexander McCall Smith, among other authors, and since I trust her judgment, I read it.

The book was engaging and enjoyable and definitely made me ponder moral questions the book raises (the heroine is a philosopher/academic who reviews and edits a journal, right up my ally). I'll definitely read more by this author.

I’m glad that I have finally emerged from my non-reading days to discover again the wonderful world of fiction. Today I went to the library and checked out some other books that I will read in the coming days. I hope I can learn how to balance reading for work (my job) and reading for fun and pleasure because I don’t want to miss out on all these good books just because I must read the “required” material.

Now, reader, my question for you is: Can you give me any reading suggestions as I re-enter the world of fiction?