Working Mom

Well here it is finally, a post:

I have been an official employee of Baylor University for three weeks now, and I am really enjoying my job. I like the intellectual stimulation it provides, the extremely bright students who are taking my classes and provide a dynamic learning environment, my colleagues, the research and writing (which is actually half of my job description), the Christian atmosphere, and that I am fulfilling a purpose that God has for my life--to make a difference in the lives of others.

I won't tell you that this transition from "work-at-home Mom" (working on my dissertation and teaching a couple courses) to "go-to-work Mom" has been easy, one empty of fears, tears, and prayers. I constantly think about this decision and wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Am I fulfilling God's purpose? How will this decision affect Elizabeth? Her view of me as a mother? Her relationship with me? How will it affect my marriage and the precious time I value with my husband? These are questions I/we struggle with on a daily basis.

Thankfully, God has still allowed me to stay at home (or, work from home) two days with Elizabeth and so we still get in some good mother/daughter time. And Shane is with her on another day, which is a tremendous blessing. The other two days Elizabeth stays with my good friend Amy and has grown to love her time spent over there. She especially loves their dog Chloe, which is good since Shane declares that our children will never have pets of their own (This may sound cruel, but he has his reasons, ones that are actually logical, rational, and realistic.). Elizabeth has probably transitioned better than either one of us. What a special girl.

So back to working...When I worked for ACU as an Admissions Counselor, I went through a period of soul-searching where I tried to figure out God's purpose for my life. And after much prayer, thought, reflection, and discussion with others, I figured out what it was: for me to make a difference in the lives of others. This sounds simple, and in a way, I guess it is. But once God led me to this conclusion, I have tried to fulfill this purpose, loving God and loving others, no matter what situation I have been in.

And, now, through this process of moving from "work-from-home Mom" to "work-outside-the-home Mom," I again find myself thinking about God's purpose(s) for my life and for my family's life. Having a husband and a daughter, while it does not necessarily change my view regarding God's purpose(s) for my life, does change the tangible and realistic meaning of what this purpose represents. And still our decision for me to go back to work explicitly ties into this purpose. While many moms feel they have to choose between the either/or decisions (working outside home vs. staying at home with children; being a mom vs. being an career woman; being active in child's life vs. being an observer), I hope that God will not force me to choose. I don't want to have to choose. Even though I value my family (and God, of course) first and foremost, I also have talents in other areas that God has given to me. And shouldn't I use these talents? I don't know. It's a constant struggle, to be honest. While I may be naive , I pray that God will fulfill His purpose in me and through me in many different arenas of life: as a wife, mother, friend, employee, daughter, colleague, and Christian. I want to give my all to God, Elizabeth, and Shane first and foremost, but I also want to give my heart and soul to my students, my writing, my career field, my friends, and my family as well. Can this be possible? I honestly don't know. But isn't Christian math different than worldly math? Can't 1 plus 1 equal 1? Can't I give all of me so that God's purpose works through me in various ways and arenas? Perhaps not in physical, mental, or emotional terms. But spiritually, I believe God can make this possible, if He wills it. And so I venture out into the workplace feeling the support of God and Shane and pray that His purpose will be fulfilled through my life. It is my prayer that God will continue to humble me, yet protect me; to teach me, yet shelter me in His arms; to guide me and form me into the person He wants me to be, yet do so gently. If what I'm doing or how I'm being does not add up to who He knows I can be or my purpose, then I hope that we will have the courage to make the changes we need to make.

Sorry to get so personal. I've wanted to post for a while but didn't really know what I would say because all these thoughts are going through my mind. And making the time to write here requires a little more effort, not only since I'm writing a lot at work, but also because when I get some time, I want to spend it with my family. Dear reader, I hope you will understand.